Calliope VS. The Borderline Monster

Who AM I?

I AM a writer! Always have been, always will be. Whether I’m “good” at it or not relies solely on you but at the end of the day I don’t care. I love to write! It’s something I do that’s my passion and nowadays it’s so hard to find genuine passion in this world.

Most people are passionate about material gains and then there’s me. I don’t care about being famous and while I wouldn’t mind writing a bestseller and getting the mega bucks, I do not write for acclaim. I write for peace. My own. For solace, for grieving, for gratitude. I write for love!! In all its pain and beauty, love is life and life is beautiful!! It may hurt but without that pain you can’t truly appreciate the euphoria of love. Because, yes, love is intoxicating! Love is a drug and other splendid things.

Now, imagine growing up without love but still loving to write. Being depressed and wanting to die but still having this fire inside of you to put your thoughts on paper. Because you secretly hope that one day, maybe long after you’re gone, someone will find your words and read them. Maybe they’ll understand you a little better. Why you are the way you are. Why you were the way you were.

But why wait for some day? Life is short and with a kidney transplant, it can be even shorter. But I like to believe that maybe my story can help someone now? Maybe we can help each other? The mental health/chronic illness community is getting together and thriving! We’re here! We’re in pain! Get used to it!  (I’ll think of a better one later.)

But you know, while unity is good, as I write these words down today, I still have trepidation about showing the real me. I mean, Tara Beah, who is she, that is me, I’ll always be. But that’s the “crazy” person people of my past choose to remember.

And like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, I’ve become a stronger woman! A warrior queen! My alter ego, a Goddess named Calliope Starr! Now she’s a pretty awesome fucking person. She’s who I conitinually strive to become as I shed the last of my ego. I have found my light and I shine so brightly! #likeadiamond

Regardless of this wondrous and tempestuous transformation, I am still that girl who has Borderline Personality Disorder, who was homeless for 2 and a half years, who was on dialysis for 6 years, and who almost died by her own hand or God’s will. I know He got my back, ALL DAY ERRY DAY!!

And through out all that, I still have that passion to write that has kept me alive all this time. It’s been quite the journey, this lifetime, but I think I have the tools to do it right this time!

We have a lot of work to do, you and I. I write my thoughts with the implicit knowledge that I’m sharing it with the virtual world. Although this is a journal, I’m not just talking to myself here. I think together we can all help each other and save the world, either through words or actions. If you talk about it, BE about it!!

I’ll end it here with my gratitude; thank y’all for taking the time out to read this blog. I’ll try to write on here as much as possible, if I can remember but until then, love, light and blessings to you all! ✌❤✊

XOXO Tara Beah aka Calliope Starr

P.S. If you want to check out my creative side and love epic poetry (I chose Calliope after the Greek muse of Epic Poetry, Calliope and Star because Tara in Indian is ‘Star’) check out… 

The Goddess: Versifications of a Warrior Queen

*If otherwise cited, all photos are by me or free stock photos from Pixabay

**All edits are done on my phone with the Photo Lab App.