He pisses me off so much sometimes!! He’s so afraid I’m out to hurt him or something that he sets himself up and that’s when I leave him alone. Because the old me would have cursed him out or walked away, many moons ago. But as always, I have to get really real with him and break shit down. Because at the end of the day, he’s my twin flame and we need each other.
There’s strength in pain, which is why I’m fierce AF. I work on my mental strength more than physical because I use my mind more. I use my words more than my fists so I have to keep my strongest muscle (my brain) fit! But not everyone is like me. Or on my level, yet. All I want to do is help but you cant help someone who doesn’t want or won’t accept it.
I’ve been trying to get my boyfriend to see that he’s not a victim. A victim is someone who stays in the same mind set they had when they were hurt. I’m trying to teach him how to push through the past shit and focus on the present good aka me and how I am not out to get him. I’m not these other chicks!! Last night, I literally had to say twice that I’m not coming for him.
Relationships are difficult as it is but when you have a mental illness, that relationship can encompass your whole world!! But the world must be tended to, you cant just leave her alone when shits not working right. That’s why we use manure to make things grow. And if one thing doesnt work, dont just walk away! Thats how things die. Thats how love dies!
I was sick this weekend and I felt I had no support from him. Idgaf if you’re in another country, take the incentive to make me feel better. Don’t just think “oh well I guess she doesnt want to talk since I’m getting one word message replies back, so I’ll just go play my video game for 12 hours until she gets better…” No my nigga, no! We don’t do that!!
Because meanwhile I’m all tired and not in the mood to text but that doesnt mean my mind isn’t functioning. Pick up the phone and talk to me or ask me whats wrong if I’m only giving one word responses. DON’T ASSUME!! That pisses me the fuck off!! And that’s wack as hell! When you assume you make an ASS out of U and Me! Nah, son, you’re the ass.
And don’t get mad after I say I’m the only one who can take care of me. Nigga it’s the truth! I’m alone here! I do not have a support system like a family, who I can rely on when I’m sick! But that’s not a dig on you for not being here. We have extenuating circumstances, being in two different countries, that has led me to become the most patient person in the world with Borderline Personality Disorder.
But, I am not out to get you! He feels that he disappoints me so that makes him automatically think I AM disappointed in him but I had to explain yesterday that those are his words he’s putting into his head not mine. My behavior hasn’t shown that I’m disappointed, I’m just sick with a cold. My energy has waned. But he knows damn well I would have said something, I have no filter and I always get my point across!
Real talk, I would have left so long ago as I’m sure he would have too. And when we have these little tiffs, I remind him of that. I’m not a lame ass basic bitch who breaks up with dudes via text or who just gives up when shit gets hard. Sometimes I do want to give up, but I can’t NOT see him in my life. I know I could survive without him, but we have a connection. That twin flame, day one ish! Its so hard to explain to people but hopefully one day, when he and I ARE reunited on this plane, they’ll see why I waited and waded through the bullshit. I really and truly believe he and I met for a reason.
I’d love to explain more about Twin Flames today but I have found two articles that may help. One of them, I don’t 100% agree on but everything else she says, I do. Basically she said our twin flame relationship helps us to meet our soul mate but it’s actually the opposite! The other article explains it a little better I believe but reading both of them together, may make more sense. If you’re interested:
And now I must get ready for work. I pray y’all have a great day and if you took the time out to read this, muchos gracias!!